Sandarne, Sweden November 9, 2022
In the USA, people live an average of 77 years or 4000 weeks. In my home country Sweden, the average lifespan is 82 years, while the global average lifespan is 70 years. Regardless of whether we live for 70, 77, or 82 years, we have a limited time to live.
In his book '4000 Weeks', journalist and author Oliver Burkeman write that he has always been a productivity nerd who has tried all possible time-management strategies but constantly failed to catch up, get everything done, and experience the feeling of control. One winter morning, he sits on a park bench in Brooklyn near his home, filled with worry about everything he has to do. Suddenly, he realizes that he will never succeed, that he will never summon enough effort, self-discipline, and efficient routines to achieve the feeling of having complete control and not having to worry. He understands that the more efficient we are, the more work we generate, and it never gives us a lasting experience of having more time. The insight into the hopelessness of his striving immediately gives him calm and presence. Eventually, a new curiosity arises as to why he suddenly feels good and why all the methods he used to increase his efficiency did not work at all.
He refers in the book to several different philosophers such as Friedrich Nietzsche, Martin Heidegger, and Martin Hägglund. The thesis he argues in the book is that we live short lives with limited influence over our lives. If we don't believe in life after death, we only get one chance, it's here and now that counts. It is painful to confront our mortality and the fragility of life. That's why we escape this insight by being busy trying to achieve control, or pretending that we have control. We live as if life will last forever and everything is equally important.
But if everything has the same weight, nothing weighs more than anything else. If we could experience an unlimited number of new summers with our loved ones, each new summer would be insignificant. Just because life is limited, what we do with our time here and now becomes incredibly important to us, but that presupposes that we are aware of our limitation.
Fear-of-Missing-Out
The influence of social media and our heightened awareness of everything that needs to be done have led us to experience FOMO as a constant source of stress. But no matter how many experiences we chase, there will always be an unlimited amount more to do. Our bucket-list can become endless and we will never feel that we have done everything we should do. We need to accept that our time is limited and make active choices. Instead of lamenting that we need more time, we can be grateful for the miracle of having any time at all.
If we let go of the illusion of control, we can realize that being effective is about choosing, that we should be effective in living, not doing as much as possible in the shortest possible time.
Joy-of-Missing-Out
By choosing, we choose to opt out. By embracing our choices and wholeheartedly engaging in what we have chosen, we make it more important through the awareness that we have actually chosen to forgo other possibilities. If we choose to live in a relationship, we have automatically chosen to forgo millions of other possible choices. Instead of half-heartedly engaging and thinking that something better may come along, we gain more by giving our time. Relationships take time. If we find joy in our engagement, we can also embrace the satisfaction of JOMO, and this applies to everything we choose to engage in.
It seems that everything worth doing in a meaningful way has to do with relationships. When we are dependent on others, we must give up some of our influence over our lives and embrace this as something we need to live life to the fullest. We need to sacrifice a little of our freedom to get something back.
Recently, I watched two strong documentaries on Netflix, one with Swedish mountain climber Robin Trygg and the other with Finnish freediver Johanna Nordblad. Both films are about daring to go your own way, nurturing your passions wholeheartedly, choosing and opting out, and challenging yourself. At the end of both films, both Robin and Johanna are struck by the insight, that their relationships with their nearest and dearest are what truly count in their lives.
At the end of the book 4000 weeks, Oliver Burkeman gives some advice on how to handle our limited time and be more effective in living instead of performing. Set conscious boundaries around your work - it will never be finished anyway. Determine where you should lower your demands. Focus on one big project at a time. Do activities in series instead of parallel. Choose what you care about in the world - what areas are important to you, limit yourself! Become aware of small, fine experiences in everyday life. Have an open and curious attitude in relationships. Act directly on generous impulses. Practice doing nothing. Stay in the present moment. The bottom line is that life isn't about change, it's about choice.
Set conscious boundaries around your work - it will never be finished anyway. Determine where you should lower your demands. Focus on one big project at a time. Do activities in series instead of parallel. Choose what you care about in the world - what areas are important to you, limit yourself! Become aware of small, fine experiences in everyday life. Have an open and curious attitude in relationships. Act directly on generous impulses. Practice doing nothing.
Since I started working with stress treatment in the early 2000s, I have talked to many of my clients about the efficiency trap. We often miss experiencing life by constantly trying to be as efficient and accomplish as much as possible with our time, as if life is just a results-oriented journey where we're supposed to perform and stress. We think that someday, far in the future, we'll have full control and finally be able to stop the daily stress and pressure, and feel peace of mind, have time for our interests, rest, socialize, and live.
But life is happening now! I've realized that the best way to be effective with my limited time is to experience things with people I like and feel a sense of belonging with, preferably in nature. I want a life close to everyday adventure and present in the moment. I want to keep this up for as long as I can, whether it's for a week or 1500 more weeks. Every week is important, so I remind myself of that again and again, and make conscious choices. Choose to live now, because soon you will be dead and forgotten!
Life isn’t about change, it’s about choice!